3 Mental Health Warning Signs I Learnt After Being A Psych Hospital Inpatient

Dedicated care helps but catch unhealthy symptoms early to boost recovery

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

One of my teenage jobs was in the kitchen of a psychiatric hospital. I didn’t know that 15 years later, I’d be a patient in one.

It was the ‘90s and there weren’t many job options where I lived in South London.

During the summer holidays, I managed to get a temp job working in the kitchen of the local psychiatric hospital to save up money for university.

I was going to study a BSc. Neuroscience in September so this seemed as aligned as it could be. I went to my first day induction with keen anticipation but was nervous.

The kitchen and dining hall served staff and day-patients at the same time. That meant everyone mingled with each other - it was sometimes hard to know which was which.

Quick, look for the staff badge!

I enjoyed the kitchen food prep and getting the dining room set up. It was simple work, but structured and had a purpose.

I’ve suffered from social anxiety for most of my life but there were quiet periods which suited my personality before and after the lunch time rush.

Then it was all hands on deck.

At lunch time, most of us kitchen staff formed a row behind the heated food bar, ready to serve hungry punters/customers.

I looked to the people around me for pointers and followed instructions for how much to serve and when to hand off the tray or plate to the next person in line.

It was fun even though it was hectic.

Be polite but look for threats

Sometimes, people would strike up a conversation during serving or cleaning times.

One thing about being socially anxious and British is that we’re awfully polite, even with people that make us uncomfortable.

Most things are a threat to us - even benign stuff - but you never want to end up on the wrong side of a social interaction.

God forbid there’s an awkward silence!

I remember a man asking me if I was new. ‘Yes, started earlier this week!’ I replied.

The chef next to me glanced quickly in my direction then back to the man. He followed up my ‘yes’, telling him it was busy and to move along for the queue.

The guy didn’t move. He just stood there trying to start a conversation with me.

Chef raised his voice again and told him to move along - the man eventually did.

Chef looked back at me and in a nice way, told me not to chat too much with the patients - some of them weren’t too safe.

That was sage advice.

Most patients were harmless. I realised they were mainly curious or lonely. Every now and then, my radar would go up and I’d have to make my excuses to move on.

What really stuck with me when I was in the town centre outside work - I’d see the day patients walking around or sat alone on park benches.

I realised how lonely mental illness is. I wondered how they’d ended up like that.

Did they have the same hopes we all have as children, but life didn’t go their way?

What could have changed instead to take them down a different path?

I’m still curious about these questions and it drives why I started a coaching business and studied psychology, neuroscience and coaching over the past 25 years.

Chronic stress and depression build up is gradual

My ‘20s were a blur.

Most people who see my CV say I’ve had a weird career path.

I’ve worked in professional membership organisations, global banks, consultancies, a mining company, and insurance.

The bulk of my work has been in project management or change and commercial roles in financial services companies.

Needless to say, it’s been stressful over the decades.

What I’ve realised in my coaching work with clients, burnout, depression and chronic stress aren’t only about the circumstances happening at the time.

We carry around baggage from our environment, culture, genes, personality traits/preferences and childhood experiences that all play their part.

This is why not everyone burns out.

I see life as being dealt a pack of cards and how you play the game with the hand you’re given is how life works out.

If you’re given a crap hand but have the skills to play well, you can improve your outcomes. Reverse that, or if you have poor skills, and you might lose out big time.

By my early 30s, unprocessed stress and trauma from my childhood had built up over the years.

I’d picked up bad habits and coping strategies that exacerbated the pressure I was under.

I was a people-pleasing perfectionist. I worked crazy hours, cycling to and from work across London in the late hours after a long day, and had terrible insomnia.

My life was numb and I lived on autopilot. Now and then, I’d get teary, angry and feel overwhelmed. But mostly, I felt nothing.

It wasn’t much of a life to be honest. But I was a good little worker!

The night it changed and I finally woke up

I remember cycling home one night along the Embankment towards Westminster and Big Ben.

I hadn’t swapped into my full cycling gear and still had my work trousers on.

It was all about bootcuts back then and the trouser legs were flapping about.

There were several coaches taking tourists through the city and red double-decker buses beside me.

Suddenly, it felt like my trouser leg was caught in my bike chain and the bike was being dragged towards the path of a red bus next to me.

I struggled briefly to move the wheel back straight but then stopped - I didn’t care if I got hit by the bus. ‘What does it matter anyway?’ a voice in my mind said.

I’m not sure what happened next but I found myself back towards the pavement where I could safely stop.

I looked down at the chain and the trouser leg wasn’t caught up. There was no chain oil or damage on it.

I was confused. What had just happened? And why didn’t I care about getting squished by a bus?

I slowly made my way back home, noticing how close I was to other vehicles as I cycled along those dark, Central London roads next to the river.

This experience freaked me out. It was the wake-up call I needed and I booked an appointment with my GP the next morning.

How I ended up as a psych hospital inpatient

I managed to get a quick appointment with the GP (much harder these days). After doing a brief assessment, she suspected I had depression and anxiety, and referred me to a psychiatrist at a private psychiatric hospital in my area.

Thank goodness for private work healthcare, right? Got to get something for being a good little worker!

I saw the psychiatrist on Thursday that week - she listened to my experiences, asked about my background, and checked my symptoms.

After reviewing her notes, she recommended a four-week inpatient stay at the hospital starting the next day.

‘Umm…what? Tomorrow? I can’t do that. I’m too busy.’ I mumbled back.

She responded that I was really ill and had attempted to take my own life. That needed urgent attention and she was deeply concerned.

Reality still hadn’t registered. I thought she was overblowing the issue. Yes, that’s right.

I didn’t think my lack of concern in being squished by a bus was a problem. Psst, it is!

This is a common pattern in people that ignore their mental health concerns until they are literally hospitalised. We downplay pretty serious signs and symptoms until we can’t anymore.

I managed to negotiate my hospital admission for the Saturday. This gave me Friday to sort out work-related issues and attempt to prep for my imminent disappearance.

The next few days were a stressful haze. My eternally unwell mother was freaking out (as usual - it became about her and how she would cope).

I was uncomfortable sharing the truth with people at work except one girl. I told everyone else it was a medical issue and urgently had to be admitted for treatment.

That was true but I still felt the stigma of mental health conditions vs physical conditions.

If I’d broken my leg on a Winter skiing trip to the Continent, no one would question it.

But depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies? Ummm…no thanks, suuper awkward.

How on earth could you come back and be a good little worker after that?!

Notice your coping strategies and what you’re not doing

As I mentioned above, chronic stress, burnout and many other mental health-related illnesses are a slow-burn.

It’s death by a thousand cuts and insidious. You often don’t even realise what you’ve lost until you’re really ill.

That’s why it’s key to take your mental and physical health temperature every day.

One of the worst things is ending up in autopilot. I used to go from weekend to weekend and not know where the time went.

Looking back now, I feel sad for that lost girl in her 20s and 30s. She was so alone.

Becoming a hospital inpatient saved my life and I learnt so much about myself, how to improve my mental health issues and building healthier coping strategies.

That’s not to say I’ve never had concerns or issues since. I was re-admitted as a day patient years later in a different psych hospital, and had therapy on and off for years.

It’s been a long process to stabilise but I’m doing well now.

However, every time I get into my old coping strategies or ignore my biology, I slip back towards burnout, depression or anxiety.

I feel myself dropping out of ‘life’ and becoming an observer or zoning out.

Isolating and going into ‘hermit mode’, as my friends call it, is one of my other unhelpful coping strategies.

Luckily, I have great friends who went through these experiences with me.

I reach out to them if I’m struggling and they won’t judge me for it. This is true friendship.

3 mental health warning signs and takeaways

Mental health issues are on the rise. At least 1 in 4 people will have problems in their lifetime, so chances are you or someone you know is struggling or has struggled.

My story aims to show you how shocking but also mundane it is.

Many of us ignore the warning signs until we’re forced into getting help. I want you to avoid that if possible, because it’s harder to drop out of life to recover.

There’s no shame in it, but catching the signs earlier, means you save yourself from being so unwell in the first place. You’ve got a better chance of recovering sooner.

If you’ve had traumatic experiences in the past, I recommend getting professional help either way. It’s harder to treat the symptoms on your own, and there are many treatments that take a holistic approach and work.

Here are 3 mental health warning signs to look out for:

1. Dissociation or being on autopilot:

   1. Dissociation can feel a lot like being on autopilot. You might go through the motions and aren’t fully present. It’s as if you're watching yourself from the outside or everything around you seems unreal.

   2. This autopilot mode can create memory gaps and a sense of disconnection from both yourself and the world.

   3. I also describe this as ‘numbing out’ - you don’t feel much (if anything) and your emotional responses seem flat. If so, it might be time to talk to a professional.

2. Minimising or ignoring unhelpful symptoms and thoughts:

   1. Due to the slow-burn effect, notice if you’re convincing yourself that things aren’t as bad as they are.

   2. Barely sleeping, not thinking you deserve being happy or loved, and working like a dog because ‘who cares’ don’t make a joyful and healthy life.

   3. Put yourself in your friend’s position - are they making suggestions that you’re not doing well or need to look after yourself? Or what would you say to a friend in your situation? Build self-compassion that way.

3. Isolating yourself or feeling lonely:

   1. Ironically, when we struggle with our mental health, we often withdraw. That makes sense at first - we need to conserve energy because we don’t feel well. But it becomes a crutch and unhealthy coping strategy.

   2. Recognise if you’re minimising social contact with others and your reasons. Are you being strategic or can’t you be bothered because you feel nothing?

   3. If you feel lonely in a room full of people, recognise that too. Reach out to a trusted friend or colleague for help. If that doesn’t feel safe, find a professional who offers expertise.

Maybe you other warning signs in my article above. Remember, nothing is so important that you can’t slow down or stop to get professional help or guidance.

The first step is always noticing and self-awareness. Take your current mental and physical health temperature to look for warning signs, and move forward.

Whether you end up in a psych hospital or not, taking practical and valuable actions to improve your health helps you and those around you, and that’s a noble thing.🚀

---

What other mental health warning signs have you noticed that need to be worked on?