How To Survive A Job That Doesn't Share Your Values - Without Losing Your Soul

Because “just ignore it” isn’t a resilience strategy

Photo by Resume Genius on Unsplash

You don’t have to sell your soul to pay the bills.

But you will need a strategy.

I’ve worked in the corporate world for decades, and frankly, have always felt misaligned.

Values misalignment at work isn’t always loud and obvious.

It can be a weird, low hum that constantly irritates at the back of your mind.

You cringe in company or team meetings.

You nod during the “this is our culture, aren’t we great?” speeches, but keep drifting off to look at the fluff on the desk.

You impart the messages you’ve been given to your teams, but the knot in your stomach doesn’t disappear.

Then, you hear the founder’s origin story and clichéd old-school City notions, and your nervous system quietly says:

“Ah. That explains everything.”

What happens when the story doesn’t match your internal signals?

I attended a two-day company event this past week in my day job.

It was a really well organised event at a wonderful offsite venue.

But I was nervous about how I’d react to the leadership’s ‘rah-rah’ speeches, panel sessions, and team-building activities.

Colour me cynical but after I’ve consistently observed and experienced how words and actions rarely align to these messages, I find it a challenge to go all-in.

However, on hearing one leader’s narrative, although interesting and an achievement, I felt flat and misaligned.

Not in a rage-quit kind of way.

More like when you can see the strings on the puppets in a show, and you’re forever taken out of the story.

But I wasn’t the only one who felt like this.

That gave me hope.

Small glimmers that I’m not the only one who noticed the dissonance between words and actions, cliques, and subtle hierarchies.

None of this is new, but to protect yourself from values misalignment burnout, you need to find like minds and actively protect your professional and personal integrity.

I teamed up with a new colleague who gets it.

I’ve also been open enough with my team to determine how we honour our values, maintain our capacity to learn, and contribute to a system that doesn’t fully reflect us.

This post is for anyone else trying to do the same.

Why values dissonance hijacks your resilience

The evidence is clear with values misalignment as a key burnout driver (yes, it’s not just workload, folks).

One of the most annoying bits of advice I’ve had over the years, it “just ignore it, and see the job as a pay cheque.”

This is factual, yes.

But if you care, you care.

I’m done apologising for being someone who gives a sh*t, or carrying shame for it anymore.

When your core values are routinely challenged, undermined, and ignored or co-opted at work, your brain doesn’t just ‘deal with it.’

It ramps up your stress circuits and adds an invisible load:

• You start over-monitoring yourself, leading to emotional editing and energy drain

• You experience increased ambiguity stress, making it harder to predict the environment and plan/respond

• You learn less because your brain remains vigilant for threat-protection instead of absorbing or restoration

Your brain perceives the environment as socially unsafe, and over a longer period, this erodes focus, engagement, and decision-making.

According to research on identity threat and self-authenticity in the workplace, this type of mismatch is more emotionally draining than workload.

Have you found this too? As a high performer, you likely find you’re able to push through intense workloads, but ongoing politics and ‘off behaviour’ throws you for a loop.

But the truth is, we can’t all walk away in these circumstances, based on your other obligations.

Note, if you’re in a toxic environment though, it could be your priority to get out.

But to make work survivable, you can develop strategic resilience, even in misaligned systems.

You just need a better approach, and if necessary, an escape route.

Mini tool: The values grounding loop

I’m taking a two-pronged approach to build on my strategic resilience and peace of mind here.

The first is working on our shared team values and tasks to recognise how we want to work and where we have control, whilst identifying areas we need to adapt and adjust with others.

The second is to help me reconcile the personal and professional values after meetings and events leave me feeling ‘off.’

Here’s a step-by-step guide to the values grounding loop tool:

1. Draw a simple circle with 4 steps around it, or use this reflection flow:

   1. NOTICE: What felt off or jarring for me just now?

   2. NAME: What core value was bumped or crushed? (e.g., kindness, autonomy, fairness, honesty)

   3. RECLAIM: How can I honour that value outside this environment?

   4. REDIRECT: Where inside the system can I live that value quietly or visibly?

You can turn this into a visualisation tool, such as a compass or lighthouse, to help you honour how you feel but keep moving forward.

Whichever metaphor you choose, the act of visualising helps your brain shift from agitation to action.

Don't let them gaslight you into thinking you're being dramatic - you're data sensitive

We often beat ourselves up for being so affected by these messages and chaotic work culture issues.

“Why can’t I just let it go and crack on with things, like Dave?”

Here’s the truth: you don’t know what Dave really feels inside unless he tells you, and your nervous system is uniquely tuned to your life experiences and environment.

It’s trying to help you make sense of the mismatch.

You’re not overly emotional. You’re emotionally precise.

Emotions are data, based on your learned experiences and interpretations of bodily sensations, feelings, and context.

And you’re not disloyal. You’re just paying attention.

Once you learn how to harness these skills in a strategic way, you’ll resist internalising shame and feelings of social exclusion.

Here’s your permission slip for the week:

• You don’t have to perform alignment and “drink the Kool-Aid” if you don’t feel it.

• You’re allowed to stay true to yourself. To build, learn, and hold your values quietly.

Resilience isn’t blind endurance by suppressing who you are.

It’s knowing when to stand firm and be grounded, versus when to let go for the bigger picture or goal.

Creative sketch prompt to shift perspective

To explore your values in a more visual way, try this approach:

1. Take a piece of paper and grab some mark-making tools (e.g. pen, crayon, pencil etc).

2. Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes.

3. Draw your values as anchors or weights.

4. Reflect on which ones feel like they are dragging or stuck.

Don’t judge the image or reflections. Just notice what appears.

Look to the week ahead and ask yourself:

• What needs adjusting in how I show up this week?

• Pick 1-2 actions to experiment with at work that support your core values.

Key takeaways

If something feels off, trust your instincts.

Values dissonance unchecked will deplete your emotional and mental energy.

It doesn’t always mean you’re in the wrong place or can’t contribute though.

It does mean you need to take extra care of how and where you express your values, and how you ground yourself in a challenging environment.

Remember, having integrity isn’t weak or naïve, but a sign of depth.

Stay curious, stay strategic, and find ways to honour who you are and what you believe, especially in systems that don’t quite fit.

Know that it’s just for now, not forever, so buy yourself some time and energy for what truly matters.

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P.S. If you need to rant about what’s rubbed you the wrong way recently, share how you’re handling these frustrations in the comments. You won’t be the only one who’s gone through it!