I Got Made Redundant While Teaching Resilience - And My Team's Response Shocked Me
What happened next proved everything I teach about real resilience.
I didn’t expect my whole team to get cut at once.
When the news landed, my first reaction wasn’t anger or fear. It was shame.
Shame that I’d led my team down a dead-end.
That I’d failed them.
That they’d never want to speak to me again.
I was heartbroken, shocked, and wondered what the future now held.
And then the irony hit me: outside the day job, I coach and teach resilience.
I help people navigate loss or challenges, so they recover from burnout and its myriads of symptoms and issues.
So here I was, living it in real time.
How would I put my own teachings into practice?
Stop believing you’re a solo act – remember there’s a chorus
The initial spiral was brutal.
Shame. Disappointment. Anxiety.
Every scenario ran through my head, and for each one, I’d inevitably end up homeless on a park bench.
I kept thinking:
“Would I be seen as toxic now? A failure? A manager people would avoid?”
And then the messages came in.
One by one.
The team checking up on me? My colleagues?
Wow! Sweet relief!
Not corporate platitudes but genuine check-ins:
“How are you? Are you OK?
We’re gutted.
You made a difference here.
What can we do to help?”
The relief was physical and eased the sharp ache in the pit of my stomach.
So often, us over-functioners and high performers think we must fix every problem alone.
Sometimes that’s the case.
But often, it isn’t.
We forget how relationships go two ways.
And evolutionarily, we’re built to co-regulate and work with others in our tribe to survive, explore, and grow.
It was a great reminder that resilience doesn’t mean being an island.
And it proved why building meaningful relationships at work are key to moving forward with confidence.
My team showed up for me, even when I thought I’d let them down.
Who wants to bounce back when we want to move forward?
I hate the term “bounce back.”
Bounce back to what? The exact mess that burned you out or didn’t work in the first place?
No thanks.
Real resilience isn’t rewinding.
It’s about moving forward, using the lessons learned along the way, to rewrite a new and improved future.
One where we get to choose how we lead, manage, or contribute, instead of awkwardly fitting in, or putting on a mask to cope.
Real resilience is also built long before the storm hits:
It’s the habits, connections, and reflections we inhabit every day.
It’s the message you send to a mate even though you’re knackered.
It’s the walk you take when you’re too busy but know you need to move.
It’s the values you demonstrate even when it’s not reflected around you.
It’s the coffee you grab with a colleague even when your diary’s squeezed.
So, when loss happens, it’s counterbalanced with how people respond to and for you.
True leadership comes from being both vulnerable, and adaptive in the moment, especially when an important chapter ends.
You get to shape the next chapter and decide which habits you’ll leave behind.
Feed your network and your network feeds you in times of famine
Resilience isn’t only cognitive or emotional, but relational.
It’s why I’ve included a Social & Habitual Connection pillar within my Adaptive Resilience System because it’s so important to build and nurture these skills.
Sometimes, we believe we need to sit and meditate out of our troubles. There’s a time and place for that, for sure.
But it’s not the only recovery strategy available to you.
What surprised me in my post-redundancy recovery was the urge to lean into social connections.
And not only remotely or online, but face-to-face where possible.
I love being in the online world and am totally comfortable in my own company.
But right then, I wanted to be with my tribe in real life.
Not only the ones I saw frequently, but also the ones I missed.
We know supportive contact with others reduces cortisol and subjective stress.
But belonging improves your mental health and longer-term recovery far more than generic support.
We need to be seen for who we are by those we trust, whether in our vulnerable or strong moments.
After our redundancy, my team and I set up a WhatsApp group to stay connected, share updates, and provide jokes and support.
We caught up for lunch and discussed what we wanted from our new futures.
It’s been a brilliant boost to our moods, stress management, and how we processed the shock of what happened.
Belonging changes the cognitive and emotional burden we feel we need to carry alone.
And those who care about us want to help and ease our burdens without having to ask.
There’s rarely anything better when you feel lost and alone.
Do This: The ARC Connection Builder Loop
Nurture your connections before you desperately need them.
Be there for others the way you’d want if you were in a pickle.
Give this connection builder practice a go:
Awareness
Catch your default connection style when you’re under pressure.
Do you isolate, overwork, or pretend it’s fine?
Note your style without self-judgement.
State you’ll experiment with connection to challenge this default style.
The goal here is to notice how you relate to others when you’re under stress and test a new approach.
Reconnection
Make a tiny connection.
Send a message, to a trusted colleague or friend you haven’t reached out to in a while.
Ask for a 5-minute check in or express something honest about how you are.
Ask about them and respond with curious compassion.
Anchor this in belonging versus something performative. It must be meaningful.
Containment
Mark the shift.
Note how you feel after this tiny connection.
Remind yourself you don’t have to carry it all alone, and neither do others.
Tell your nervous system it’s safe because you’ve shared a vulnerability with someone you trust and survived.
Tiny connections, repeated often, are more fulfilling than scary.
It’s how you build a network that feeds you during tough times.
This week’s permission slip
It’s OK to feel lost, adrift, or ashamed after redundancy or loss.
But you don’t have to be the strong one all the time.
As English poet John Donne wrote four centuries ago:
“No man is an island,
Entire of itself;
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.”John Donne
Connection isn’t charity or weakness, but how we survive and recover together.
And real resilience isn’t about being invulnerable during the storm.
It’s about remembering you still belong, regardless of the loss and hurt you feel.
Key takeaways
Resilience is needed during and after a crisis, but it’s built through the daily habits of connection when nothing dramatic is happening.
After loss strikes, and when shame or fear wants to lure you into hiding, resist the urge to shrink your world to feel safe.
Reach out to people who remind you who you really are - that’s true strength.
Feed those connections with small, frequent acts and they’ll sustain you more than you realise and when you need them most.
Remember, letting others in isn’t weakness.
It’s one of the smartest survival strategies we’ve got.
P.S. How do you keep your network and connections alive, even when you’re stressed out and hectic? I’d love to hear your strategies in the comments.