Why Doing It All Yourself Is Killing Your Focus And Energy (So Do This)

Self-sufficiency is a strength, but becomes a weakness when you push it too far for too long.

Mar 23, 2025

A few months ago, I found myself triple-checking a PowerPoint I wasn’t even presenting - because I didn’t trust anyone else to get it right.

On the surface? I was just being thorough.

Beneath it? Total cognitive overload disguised as ‘professionalism.’

That’s when it clicked: I wasn’t doing it because I had to - I just didn’t know how to stop.

And it was costing me: Focus. Energy. Sanity.

So if you’re the one who always has it handled: what’s the real cost?

The focus you once prided yourself on? Blurring.
The energy you relied on? Slipping.
The pressure? Still building.

If you’re working harder but producing less, it’s not a motivation issue.

It’s a bandwidth issue.

And no, a new productivity template won’t fix it.

You have to look at what’s underneath.

The over-functioning trap (and why it feels safer than asking for help)

Let’s be honest here - support doesn’t feel like an option when your identity is wrapped in being ‘the capable one’.

You’re:

Efficient. Tick.
Emotionally low-maintenance. Tick.
Reliable. Tick.

And people have come to expect it. Tick.

But over time, that expectation becomes your trap.

The more you prove you can handle it all, the more that becomes the baseline.

No one checks in to see if you need help. Including you.

And I bet you’re great at hiding it too, because vulnerability feels off-brand.

As Lauren Palumbo writes in Psychology Today (2025), self-sufficiency turns into self-sabotage when it cuts you off from connection and care.

You don’t even realise it’s happening.

You just feel tired, stretched, a little resentful (a lot), and taken for granted.

It’s not new. It’s just familiar.

Why your brain’s not built for this (early life adaptations at work)

You’re not broken. You’re running a strategy your brain built a long time ago.

It just doesn’t serve you anymore.

Birnie and Baram (2025) found that growing up in unpredictable environments - where support wasn’t consistent - wires the brain to prioritise control over collaboration.

This isn’t just about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs); it’s about the pattern of unpredictability in early-life experiences being more of an independent and significant risk factor.

So now (to make things less unpredictable)?

You jump in first.
You fix before anyone asks.
You never want to owe anyone.

It makes you reliable. Strategic. The one people count on.

But it also makes you exhausted. And you’re not sure why it’s always so heavy.

Spoiler: this is why.

Cognitive bandwidth isn’t infinite (even for you)

Your brain can only carry so much after experiencing cumulative stress or adversity.

Cognitive load theory, decision fatigue, and predictive coding all say the same thing: mental resources are finite.

The irony? High capability delays the crash - until it doesn’t.

That’s because you’re actually really good at tolerating discomfort, because you’ve had to.

But when the crash hits, it’s brutal.

Mistakes creep in (dammit, that’s the worst).

Focus frays.

You triple-check emails and adjust PowerPoint boxes to avoid the big stuff.

The research backs this up: overload tanks performance. And pushing through only works for so long.

You don’t need more discipline or a new productivity hack.

You need to carry less, and be OK with that.

Redefining support (without the eye-roll)

Support isn’t about being needy. It’s about being smart.

But support doesn’t mean:

Needing help (read: weakness)
Handing off work to others who’ll let you down (read: loss of control)
Something for people who can't handle pressure (read: not us)
Dropping your standards (read: euw, gross).

No wonder self-sufficiency so easily turns into self-sabotage.

But I get it - if the word ‘support’ gives you the ick, call it something else:

Energy optimisation
Strategic delegation
Efficiency buffer

OK these aren’t sexy either (sorry), but choose one that gets past your nervous system.

Support doesn’t mean doing less overall, which is often what we’re afraid of.

It means doing less of the wrong stuff, so you can think and work smarter where it counts.

It isn’t soft. It’s strategic.

Here’s how it fuels performance:

It reduces cognitive friction so your best thinking isn’t buried in crappy admin.
It creates space for high-value execution.
It lowers emotional stress, so you’re not white-knuckling through the week.

It helps you work smarter and stay well.

Why you resist it (even when it’s obvious)

Get curious about any resistance you have to support.

You’re self-aware. That’s not the issue. But habits run deep.

If you grew up without stable support, learned that control equals safety, or were praised for always “handling it”, you built a resilience strategy around over-functioning.

And that strategy worked.

Until it didn’t.

As Palumbo notes, the longer you stay in “I’ve got it” mode, the more you cut yourself off from the very resources to help you focus, recover, and grow.

And neuroscience agrees: persistent perceived, or real, isolation impacts focus, resilience, and even long-term health.

This isn’t just psychological. It’s physiological.

Become a curious scientist (instead of a martyr)

Let’s stay practical.

You don’t need a life overhaul. You need a small experiment.

As Neuroscientist and Author Anne-Laure Le Cunff suggests: try a "tiny experiment."

Ask yourself: What’s one thing I can stop holding today?

Predictive coding says your brain updates its mental models based on new evidence. So give it some.

Try this:

Delegate one low-risk task
Let someone support you without fixing anything in return
Say yes when help is offered, and notice what happens

At first? Discomfort. Then? Relief.

That’s neuroplasticity in action.

Eventually, support stops feeling dangerous.

It starts feeling smart and appealing.

The hidden shift that changes everything

Support clears space - mentally and emotionally - so you can focus where it counts.

Here’s a real-life example from one of my clients, “A,” who was constantly reactive and stuck in firefighting mode.

They weren’t being the leader they knew they could be, and felt like they were letting their team down.

When we audited their calendar, they found a weekly meeting they didn’t need to be in.

Stepping back gave them an hour a week.

They reinvested it into leadership work they’d been postponing for months.

Their team stepped up. It was a win-win.

The benefit wasn’t just time. It was clarity. Energy. Momentum.

Quick support spot check:

Where are you using support but not naming it?
Where are you still gripping too tightly, just in case?
What’s one subtle shift (calendar, habit, task) that frees up space without triggering your “Bah-I-need-control” reflex?

Solopreneurs: Think systems, automations, templates.

Leaders: Build a team that actually frees up your brain.

High performers: Reduce friction so your strengths don’t burn you out.

What’s popping up for you right now?

Note those ideas down to get going with your new shift.

Key takeaways

You’re not doing everything because you love it.

You’re doing it because your brain learned to survive that way.

Even if that strategy once helped, it’s now holding you back.

Remember, support isn’t weakness. It’s a performance tool.

Letting go isn’t lazy. It’s leadership.

If this feels uncomfortably true - good. That means your system’s ready for something better.

It’s about time.

P.S. What’s one thing you’re still gripping onto like it’s your job, when it really isn’t?

Hit reply or drop it in the comments. I want to know what your brain insists only you can do… but it might actually be begging to be binned, delegated, or ignored entirely.