How I Rewrote The Same Presentation 40 Times - And What It Taught Me About Toxic Perfectionism

Perfectionism convinced me I was protecting quality. In reality, I was draining trust, meaning, and my health.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Ever worked for someone who couldn’t let anything go?

Another PowerPoint suggestion or endless “just one more change” to your proposal?

It's not leadership or attention to detail but perfectionism, and it quietly drains momentum out of relationships and teams.

What starts off with noble intentions gets warped under chronic stress, and becomes a vicious cycle.

And if you're the competent and diligent one, you get stuck in this pattern because it tricks you into thinking you're in control.

Here’s the real story about The Perfectionist pattern and how it keeps you stuck in burnout.

Just one more thing and then we're done…

I worked for a Managing Director who was the definition of a perfectionist.

I was excited for the opportunity to work more closely with him on our executive presentations and function strategy.

But over time I realised nothing was ever good enough, and I was headed straight for burnout.

Presentations were rewritten over weeks and up to 40+ times before board meetings.

We were drained by constant refreshes, or worse, going back to old iterations after we thought we’d moved on.

So I did what felt totally normal at the time - I copied it.

Maybe you've done this yourself.

It was the norm and part of our team culture.

Multiple people working on similar things to give him a suite of options to choose from.

We hustled, went over and beyond, came up with complex analyses, and lamented over lost evenings whilst still in the office at 11pm.

I took pride in my work and thought I was protecting quality and contributing value.

In reality, I was exhausting myself and becoming more jaded by the day.

I'm sure you've been there too.

Each time, we took the requests seriously even when we knew the materials would never used.

It was all “just in case.”

The effect is the same: everyone ends up polishing instead of progressing.

Perfectionism isn't just one thing, but it's not all bad

Perfectionists rarely mean harm. Most are trying to protect standards or avoid failure.

But once this behaviour becomes the norm, it bleeds into how we manage ourselves and work with others.

And if you don’t catch it, you’ll ramp up burnout symptoms quickly.

Psychologists often split it into two aspects:

• Perfectionistic strivings: ambitious goals and high standards. Energising when paired with flexibility and iteration.

• Perfectionistic concerns: harsh self-criticism, fear of mistakes, constant worry about how others will judge you. This is the maladaptive side linked to stress, rumination, and burnout.

Both co-exist but understanding the difference helps us target the real perfectionism problems.

Many high performers find strivings are motivating. But concerns weigh them down and drive exhaustion.

If you’ve had tough life experiences or score higher in negative emotionality (neuroticism), concerns tend to bite you harder.

Self-criticism and reduced self-compassion fuel unhealthy coping like overworking, late-night tweaking, or weekend catch ups.

Maybe you've thought:

• “If I just do this properly, they won't find any mistakes and call me out.“

• “I need to add more examples so it's the best proposal. I'll work on it this weekend to catch up.”

• “I’ll look incompetent if I ask for help.”

• “I can’t rest until this is finished, even if it takes all night.”

• “They’ll see I’m not cut out for this if I let anything slip.”

Plus these perfectionistic concerns come at a cost you may not be aware of.

The hidden losses behind perfectionism

Every time you give in to the perfectionist itch, you’re not just tired but reinforcing losses:

• Loss of trust, as constant self-criticism means you can’t trust your own work and nothing feels enough.

• Loss of meaning or purpose, as work stops being about impact or creativity, and becomes about avoiding mistakes and criticism.

That’s why perfectionism isn’t just exhausting but depleting.

It steals what you started striving for.

Research also suggests perfectionism has increased over time across society.

It's no surprise when we exist in such competitive environments, and are instantly aware of how ‘successful’ everyone else is.

But these intense attitudes can be successfully challenged, and the shift won't kill your impact or ambition.

Instead, learn how to channel your perfectionistic strivings productively whilst lightening your perfectionistic concerns.

Why your brain gets stuck in unhelpful perfectionistic patterns

Perfectionstic concerns aren’t a moral flaw no matter how personal they feel.

They’re how the brain reacts under pressure and we end up focused on the wrong things by trying to regain control.

The anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) over-monitors errors, making small flaws (real or perceived) feel like big threats.

If you're hypervigilant, from stress or trauma, or in a competitive environment, this assessment kicks in more frequently.

Issues seem increasingly threatening and you feel out of control no matter what you try.

So what happens when you're spiralling?

You go to what's worked before, even if it's unhelpful or maladaptive now.

You try to feel in control, even if it's not the right solution or area.

Each late-night PowerPoint edit gives you momentary relief.

But the relief locks the behaviour in and your brain learns to scratch the itch instead of moving forward.

The default mode network (DMN) is a brain circuit related to several key functions, but in this case fuels self-critical rumination and persistent thinking (“what if this isn’t good enough?”).

It adds to your sense of threat or not being good enough.

The prefrontal cortex (PFC) region is needed for task execution and directing attention, but gets overloaded with second-guessing the situation and variables you're trying to manage.

This contributes to fatigue, poorer decision-making, and difficulty regulating emotions over time.

The Perfectionist pattern becomes less and less useful under chronic stress and pressure.

What starts off as a way to feel in control, stay motivated, and have pride in your work takes a dark twist and ends up controlling you.

Burnout is your system's way to slow down and pay attention. But you have to take action on those signs.

If you want to be great, you have to experience mistakes and learn from them.

Trying to protect yourself from criticism or errors makes sense as it hurts.

But it's holding you back from progress and crushing your health.

Good enough is good enough so give yourself a break.

Do this: the ARC 70% Rule tool

It feels hard to shift from perfectionism because you rationalise it and convince yourself of the upsides.

You don't want to let people down because you're known for having high standards.

But perfectionist concerns whisper: “It’s not ready yet… just one more edit.”

That's what's holding you back.

Here’s how to break that loop without killing your ambition:

Awareness:

Catch the urge.

1. Notice when the urge to polish beyond usefulness pops up.

2. Name it: “This is the perfectionist itch.”

Once you recognise a real standard requirement versus a threat-driven urge, you'll be able to choose the best next steps.

Reconnection:

Define the criteria and cost/benefit.

1. Define the 2-3 criteria for success. Use evidence to support this, not what the urge tells you.

2. Ask yourself: “Would this be good enough to move the project/task forward or get feedback?”

3. Consider the cost of doing more (time, energy, experience) and the benefits.

4. Set a time limit or external commitment so you don't get sucked in.

Remember that iteration is where learning and mastery happen.

Incremental improvements teach you about what works.

Containment:

Find your 70% and pause.

1. If you need to expend more effort, stop at 70%. You'll know when as it's when you'll try to convince yourself to keep going even though you've met your success criteria. Resist!

2. Manage the discomfort with this short practice:

   1. Sit with it: Give yourself 2 minutes to feel the itch without fixing.

   2. Notice how the urge spikes, then fades. This ups your frustration tolerance by teaching your nervous system that the urge spikes then falls.

   3. Remind yourself of what else you'll get done instead of polishing this.

   4. Close it: Create a ritual signal of “done” (tick it off, close the file, say out loud: “Good enough and now I'll send it.”)

   5. Redirect it: Shift attention onto a different task or take a quick reset to shift context (stretch, walk, go to the loo, make tea or coffee etc).

Each time you repeat this loop, you’re retraining your brain to tolerate discomfort.

Done is better than perfect. And resilience building isn't about being perfect.

It's about noticing when the urge appears and adapting to get back on track.

This week's permission slip

You don’t need to kill ambition or impact to let go of perfectionism.

You’re allowed to keep your high standards if they help or are vital.

And it’s fine to decide that progress matters more than polish.

You’re allowed to hand something in that's good enough.

You’re allowed to get it wrong and still be competent.

And you’re allowed to rest, because mastery comes from repetition, not exhaustion.

Here's a poem for The Perfectionist, Wild Geese by Mary Oliver:

“You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

Mary Oliver

Key takeaways

Perfectionism has two faces: perfectionistic strivings which can be adaptive and perfectionistic concerns which become unhelpful and drive burnout.

Strivings fuel mastery but being distracted by concerns drain impact and energy through fear, loss of trust, and loss of meaning .

Neuroscience shows concerns hijack attention and overload error-monitoring where the discomfort influences your every move.

But you don't have to be stuck in The Perfectionist pattern forever or drop your standards to make progress.

I know it's tough but I've made the change myself.

And when the perfectionist urge creeps in, that's a sign I'm too focused on threats and a red flag for burnout.

I regret the times I've given in and the hours wasted for marginal gains.

It's not worth it when there are more critical things to prioritise.

So notice the urge and stop the perfectionist itch when it strikes.

Good enough is good enough.

Reclaim your time, energy, and unique talents and use them where they'll create the biggest impact.

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P.S. Have you ever worked for (or been) the perfectionist leader? Did you notice more striving or concerns kicking in?