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Cassie Wilkins's avatar

Oof, I feel this one in my bones. I hope it all goes well. I'm in the midst of a circle facilitator training program at the moment, and it's so interesting how much of the work goes into teaching us to override that need to "fix" or "solve" anyone else's problems, and instead just be in a state of active listening. To let people share freely, as if they're giving their words to the proverbial fire, rather than feeling like you have to respond.

It's fascinating (and not unsurprising) how much more deeply we can listen without having to think of any sort of response, too, but also how challenging it is in the ebb and flow of normal conversation, especially where silence is seen as a threat, almost.

It's also interesting to zoom out and see the real-world applications of these skills a bit more, too. I think I'd personally feel feel way more emotionally supported and connected if I had more people who I could trust to just listen (especially in situations where I talk about grief/Alzheimer's and things that can't be "solved"). My counsellor recently asked me to do the Young Schema, and emotional deprivation and social isolation came up as my tops, and it made me realise how much more socially and emotionally connected I'd feel if I could trust people just to listen without jumping into "fix it mode". Which, I guess, is why I've ended up in this training and with a newsletter, where I can write and share what's going on without really opening the door for people to fix or solve anything.

Anyway, I'm glad you wrote and shared this. I hope it helped. It sure helped me :) xx

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Michael Hollifield's avatar

What a timely article this is for me, Sabrina! This past week, one of my customers was upset with our department, and I had to review everything he brought up and realized I had failed him a few times over the past two months. I fell on my sword and explained how I played my part in his issues, and I told him I would "try" to waive the cost of something his department needed. He accepted what I said as I would waive the price (which is way above my pay grade). I didn't over-promise, but I've been dreading returning to him and his department and letting them know they will be responsible for said cost. Your words encouraged me to think through what needs to be done and how to communicate it with them. I'll be sharing this with them tomorrow. Thanks so much!

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