Thanks Daria! It has been an intense experience but I've talked to a few colleagues about it and they've found the same. Shame how some influence the corporate culture so much.
Oof, I feel this one in my bones. I hope it all goes well. I'm in the midst of a circle facilitator training program at the moment, and it's so interesting how much of the work goes into teaching us to override that need to "fix" or "solve" anyone else's problems, and instead just be in a state of active listening. To let people share freely, as if they're giving their words to the proverbial fire, rather than feeling like you have to respond.
It's fascinating (and not unsurprising) how much more deeply we can listen without having to think of any sort of response, too, but also how challenging it is in the ebb and flow of normal conversation, especially where silence is seen as a threat, almost.
It's also interesting to zoom out and see the real-world applications of these skills a bit more, too. I think I'd personally feel feel way more emotionally supported and connected if I had more people who I could trust to just listen (especially in situations where I talk about grief/Alzheimer's and things that can't be "solved"). My counsellor recently asked me to do the Young Schema, and emotional deprivation and social isolation came up as my tops, and it made me realise how much more socially and emotionally connected I'd feel if I could trust people just to listen without jumping into "fix it mode". Which, I guess, is why I've ended up in this training and with a newsletter, where I can write and share what's going on without really opening the door for people to fix or solve anything.
Anyway, I'm glad you wrote and shared this. I hope it helped. It sure helped me :) xx
Oh wow, what an opportunity to open the doorway to these tricky chats and for them to have gone so well and been a pathway to growth for them, too. That's a heck of an achievement, but also not easy. I'm so glad you've been able to rise up and put words to what you were feeling and for it to be able to bring you closer rather than coming between you!
And yeah, grief is such a systemic issue - and so is our discomfort when it comes to silence too, to be honest. It's something I have many thoughts about but I'm not really sure where to share them, yet. I'm actually hoping to use the training as a way to run grief circles and step into that space, but then it doesn't seem to fit well in my other ecosystem of offerings. This being human and trying to build a business thing is complicated, hey?! I mean both are on their own, but especially together.
Sorry to hear this, it must be difficult waiting for the meeting.
When you are in the meeting, make sure you ask for facts (when, how many times, what was said, can you show me the paper trail) etc.
It's easy to make vague complaints but unless they have a record of specific examples, it's he said, she said.
I'm not suggesting you be adversarial but that you ask questions to clarify the issues, and to check if they are real or could have been sorted by someone coming to you directly.
What a timely article this is for me, Sabrina! This past week, one of my customers was upset with our department, and I had to review everything he brought up and realized I had failed him a few times over the past two months. I fell on my sword and explained how I played my part in his issues, and I told him I would "try" to waive the cost of something his department needed. He accepted what I said as I would waive the price (which is way above my pay grade). I didn't over-promise, but I've been dreading returning to him and his department and letting them know they will be responsible for said cost. Your words encouraged me to think through what needs to be done and how to communicate it with them. I'll be sharing this with them tomorrow. Thanks so much!
Ah dear Michael that sounds so stressful and tricky. Thanks for sharing - we've all been there and feel nervous about going back on a response or judgement.
Prep as best you can and be your awesome self.
You tried an approach and it didn't pan out. We are only human.
After spending some extra time meditating, I contacted my customers today to let them know I could not do what I told them I would "try" to do. They were very gracious and gave me a plan "B" without hesitation.
I was very grateful and relieved. Thanks for all you are doing, Sabrina, to make the world a better place!!!!!
I feel exactly what you are going through, Sabrina. You made me experience what I went through many years ago in a work situation. I wasn't prepared and was blindsided. You outlined very succinctly what positive and proactive steps to take. I hope it works out for you the way you want it to. It won't be because you aren't prepared or don't know how to protect yourself and your emotions. Be sure to let us know how the situation resolves.
So sorry to hear you are facing such a troubling situation at your work Sabrina and so impressed at how aware you are of your own responses, their meaning and your best way forward.
Loving the idea of using AI to help strategise - what sort of prompts did you use? Using essential oils is so underrated for changing one's state, and yes being told one is being "too emotional" is something I heard a lot growing up. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that I read "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aaron, and learnt a finely tuned radar could be a blessing. It is good to be reminded that there are negative impacts of repressing and "pushing through" rather accepting the message of our feelings and bodily responses and finding ways to respond to those messages. Go well at your meeting - I have a feeling you will :) x
Thanks fot your honesty here! This desc t ibes my last job completely. I could never articulate the problem but it was wrong.
Good things to remind yourself you are not crazy.
Sorry to experienced this too Linda.
Trust your instinct. Glad you were able to get out.
I've found solace talking to others in the company who feel the same.
I've felt less 'crazy' because it makes you doubt yourself so easily.
I had the meeting and it went differently to how I thought. Think it took me a few days to process for sure so I'll write about that this weekend.
Im sending you lots of strength for the meeting Sabrina! Be proud of how you handle it and how you take care of yourself, its impressive 😍🥰💞
Thanks Daria! It has been an intense experience but I've talked to a few colleagues about it and they've found the same. Shame how some influence the corporate culture so much.
Oof, I feel this one in my bones. I hope it all goes well. I'm in the midst of a circle facilitator training program at the moment, and it's so interesting how much of the work goes into teaching us to override that need to "fix" or "solve" anyone else's problems, and instead just be in a state of active listening. To let people share freely, as if they're giving their words to the proverbial fire, rather than feeling like you have to respond.
It's fascinating (and not unsurprising) how much more deeply we can listen without having to think of any sort of response, too, but also how challenging it is in the ebb and flow of normal conversation, especially where silence is seen as a threat, almost.
It's also interesting to zoom out and see the real-world applications of these skills a bit more, too. I think I'd personally feel feel way more emotionally supported and connected if I had more people who I could trust to just listen (especially in situations where I talk about grief/Alzheimer's and things that can't be "solved"). My counsellor recently asked me to do the Young Schema, and emotional deprivation and social isolation came up as my tops, and it made me realise how much more socially and emotionally connected I'd feel if I could trust people just to listen without jumping into "fix it mode". Which, I guess, is why I've ended up in this training and with a newsletter, where I can write and share what's going on without really opening the door for people to fix or solve anything.
Anyway, I'm glad you wrote and shared this. I hope it helped. It sure helped me :) xx
Ooof Cassie, as usual to share so many points i need to sit with and ponder.
You're spot on about wanting a safe space to just express what's going on without the expectation to fix.
It's so hard when it's a way people want to help, but they don't realise how listening is help.
Spot on re silence being seen as a threat. Especially on topics related to grief - it's so uncomfortable for some.
I have had some good chats with my friend since after being open about how it made me feel about the fixing issue.
They owned it and it's been lovely to be open with a friend, have a tricky convo and still be cool with each other.
In the past I would have withdrawn and internalised, avoided or seethed privately!
Your training sounds fascinating and reminds me how these skills are often not modelled so we have to teach ourselves.
Thanks for sharing! X
Oh wow, what an opportunity to open the doorway to these tricky chats and for them to have gone so well and been a pathway to growth for them, too. That's a heck of an achievement, but also not easy. I'm so glad you've been able to rise up and put words to what you were feeling and for it to be able to bring you closer rather than coming between you!
And yeah, grief is such a systemic issue - and so is our discomfort when it comes to silence too, to be honest. It's something I have many thoughts about but I'm not really sure where to share them, yet. I'm actually hoping to use the training as a way to run grief circles and step into that space, but then it doesn't seem to fit well in my other ecosystem of offerings. This being human and trying to build a business thing is complicated, hey?! I mean both are on their own, but especially together.
Hope you've had a wonderful weekend x
As usual, your comments sit with me and so many thoughts and ideas percolate! The weekends have been nice thanks.
It's been full on at work and I just want to process it and catch my breath.
The recurring grief flashes have surprised me too. You're right that it's a systemic issue. So many judgements that push us into suffering in silence.
I love the idea of the grief circles as a way to use your training and personal experiences to help others.
Totally feel you in the trying to work out how it all fits together!
It's another reason I am stepping back to hone in on where I need to focus and what's calling me.
I'm sure you'll find a way to make it fit. It's the human experience and some of us just see the world that way! Hugs 💜
Sorry to hear this, it must be difficult waiting for the meeting.
When you are in the meeting, make sure you ask for facts (when, how many times, what was said, can you show me the paper trail) etc.
It's easy to make vague complaints but unless they have a record of specific examples, it's he said, she said.
I'm not suggesting you be adversarial but that you ask questions to clarify the issues, and to check if they are real or could have been sorted by someone coming to you directly.
Thanks Wendy, that's a great tip.
I tend to believe the gist of what people tell me but I know much of this is over-hyped based on chats we've had on the ground.
Will ask for details so we can follow up after and if they are reticent about that, it says a lot!
These things are never easy. I hope it goes well.
What a timely article this is for me, Sabrina! This past week, one of my customers was upset with our department, and I had to review everything he brought up and realized I had failed him a few times over the past two months. I fell on my sword and explained how I played my part in his issues, and I told him I would "try" to waive the cost of something his department needed. He accepted what I said as I would waive the price (which is way above my pay grade). I didn't over-promise, but I've been dreading returning to him and his department and letting them know they will be responsible for said cost. Your words encouraged me to think through what needs to be done and how to communicate it with them. I'll be sharing this with them tomorrow. Thanks so much!
Ah dear Michael that sounds so stressful and tricky. Thanks for sharing - we've all been there and feel nervous about going back on a response or judgement.
Prep as best you can and be your awesome self.
You tried an approach and it didn't pan out. We are only human.
You got this my friend!
After spending some extra time meditating, I contacted my customers today to let them know I could not do what I told them I would "try" to do. They were very gracious and gave me a plan "B" without hesitation.
I was very grateful and relieved. Thanks for all you are doing, Sabrina, to make the world a better place!!!!!
This is such a great outcome Michael! Well done!
Must be such a relief!
I feel exactly what you are going through, Sabrina. You made me experience what I went through many years ago in a work situation. I wasn't prepared and was blindsided. You outlined very succinctly what positive and proactive steps to take. I hope it works out for you the way you want it to. It won't be because you aren't prepared or don't know how to protect yourself and your emotions. Be sure to let us know how the situation resolves.
Hey Julie, thanks for the support. Sorry you had to go through this too.
It's such an energy drain isn't it?
And you're right, I don't know how it'll go but at least I can share my experience with others.
We're not alone!
So sorry to hear you are facing such a troubling situation at your work Sabrina and so impressed at how aware you are of your own responses, their meaning and your best way forward.
Loving the idea of using AI to help strategise - what sort of prompts did you use? Using essential oils is so underrated for changing one's state, and yes being told one is being "too emotional" is something I heard a lot growing up. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that I read "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aaron, and learnt a finely tuned radar could be a blessing. It is good to be reminded that there are negative impacts of repressing and "pushing through" rather accepting the message of our feelings and bodily responses and finding ways to respond to those messages. Go well at your meeting - I have a feeling you will :) x
Thanks Fi! Really appreciate it. And yes, Elaine Aron's book was an eye opener for me too.
I beat myself up for years about being the sensitive one then realised it can be useful if channelled well.
It helps having this space to express the complexities and ideas.
In terms of AI, I usually give it a good low down of the situation, how I'm feeling, what the potential threats might be and asking for guidance.
Giving it a role helps too I.e. you're an experienced corporate strategist, so give me advice on xyz.
Plus it works a bit like a journal for me to express how I'm feeling and seeing it reflected.
Will keep you posted x