Wow. So insightful. This article does a great job of articulating when we push ourselves to the max and believe we owe so much to others and nothing to ourselves!
That's it Jasmine. We get so used to de-prioritising our needs, we feel guilt and shame for basic self care. It's easier to hand that responsibility away. Thanks for reading!
Ugh. This resonates; it's incredible how long and far you can go internally down a path that not only doesn't privilege self-care, but is basically the opposite.
I remember many years ago when I was a student painter in the summers standing at the top of a very tall ladder, looking down and thinking, "I'd probably SURVIVE the fall..."
When I become aware that I've arrived at a hospital fantasy moment, it's usually a great time to ask myself, "could you just maybe... not be a student painter anymore? You do have agency and you are probably creative enough to find another way to make enough money to live." But I think your point about self-care is more useful; as much as I'd love to be a person who throws everything over and starts again when I'm unhappy, it's not really who I am (especially at 45 with a wife and two children). Great insights!
Thanks for your insights Malcolm. It's useful to prompt that question isn't it. Even if it's harder to flip everything when we realise our priorities are squiffy, at least we remind ourselves we need to stop and make a choice.
It's more like moving an oil tanker as we get older with all the responsibilities, but not impossible.
Self care is the foundation to better choices, especially when change takes so much effort. That's why people don't do it. It's hard.
But living the wrong life overall is harder and a waste. Thanks for reading!
I had never heard of this but it makes total sense! Maybe that's why I like going to the dentist - an hour of forced relaxation (sort of). Eye opening - thank you for writing about it.
Oh, I never thought of that, but it is a thing, indeed! The hospital fantasy! Thanks for bringing light on that. If we're aware of the fantasy happening, we can take action. ❤️
Exactly! It's a warning sign to step back and look after yourself. These things tend to creep in over time so it's a good check to realise. Could be hospital or another escape fantasy 💜
Inviting caption and the naughty picture puts one in a smiling mood from the start. I too used to experience the work frenzy just before I fell sick ; I should have taken it as a sign for trying to do too much. Happily I could arrange a yearly break for my mother, so she could be away from the health cares and problems of my father and sister. We should all allow ourselves the much needed " health break", looking for the nature retreat or the trip to exotic locations with friends or whatever is available to us.
You're right figen, building in nature or restorative breaks in advance is a good preventative measure. If that still doesn't feel enough though, it's time to look at the daily habits.
I had the hospital fantasy when I left my ex husband and moved into a new house with my, then, eight year old daughter.
Firstly, I needed a new roof as the building surveyor hadn’t checked it properly in the inspection. Then my car broke down, and a host of other small maintenance issues popped up.
I wanted to go somewhere where I’d be looked after, like Bette Davis’ rest home in Now Voyager. At the time, I didn’t know it was a common experience, so thanks for this article.
Wow Wendy, no wonder you wanted to escape with all that on your plate! We can handle a lot, but we're still human and need to be looked after, especially when we're responsible across so much. I hope things are settled now. Thanks for sharing.
What a deep and comprehensive dive into burnout and how we get ourselves there, thank you.
I relate to the Hospital Fantasy idea and can see times in my life where I craved care, however drastic the solution.
It's so true that the high-standards achievers among us can be blind to our own needs and only act to slow down when our bodies make us. We forget that maintaining balance and health is an impressive achievement in itself!
Thanks Jeanette and recognising this has appeared in your life too. You're onto something in terms of maintaining balance and health being achievement - for us achievement oriented types, we need to boost the value we put on it. Hard to look after ourselves when we haven't had it modelled or experienced it as much as we need. Thanks for your insights.
Wow. So insightful. This article does a great job of articulating when we push ourselves to the max and believe we owe so much to others and nothing to ourselves!
That's it Jasmine. We get so used to de-prioritising our needs, we feel guilt and shame for basic self care. It's easier to hand that responsibility away. Thanks for reading!
Ugh. This resonates; it's incredible how long and far you can go internally down a path that not only doesn't privilege self-care, but is basically the opposite.
I remember many years ago when I was a student painter in the summers standing at the top of a very tall ladder, looking down and thinking, "I'd probably SURVIVE the fall..."
When I become aware that I've arrived at a hospital fantasy moment, it's usually a great time to ask myself, "could you just maybe... not be a student painter anymore? You do have agency and you are probably creative enough to find another way to make enough money to live." But I think your point about self-care is more useful; as much as I'd love to be a person who throws everything over and starts again when I'm unhappy, it's not really who I am (especially at 45 with a wife and two children). Great insights!
Thanks for your insights Malcolm. It's useful to prompt that question isn't it. Even if it's harder to flip everything when we realise our priorities are squiffy, at least we remind ourselves we need to stop and make a choice.
It's more like moving an oil tanker as we get older with all the responsibilities, but not impossible.
Self care is the foundation to better choices, especially when change takes so much effort. That's why people don't do it. It's hard.
But living the wrong life overall is harder and a waste. Thanks for reading!
I had never heard of this but it makes total sense! Maybe that's why I like going to the dentist - an hour of forced relaxation (sort of). Eye opening - thank you for writing about it.
Interesting example Michelle, but yes, similar concept. Being looked after is a fundamental need.
Oh, I never thought of that, but it is a thing, indeed! The hospital fantasy! Thanks for bringing light on that. If we're aware of the fantasy happening, we can take action. ❤️
Exactly! It's a warning sign to step back and look after yourself. These things tend to creep in over time so it's a good check to realise. Could be hospital or another escape fantasy 💜
Inviting caption and the naughty picture puts one in a smiling mood from the start. I too used to experience the work frenzy just before I fell sick ; I should have taken it as a sign for trying to do too much. Happily I could arrange a yearly break for my mother, so she could be away from the health cares and problems of my father and sister. We should all allow ourselves the much needed " health break", looking for the nature retreat or the trip to exotic locations with friends or whatever is available to us.
You're right figen, building in nature or restorative breaks in advance is a good preventative measure. If that still doesn't feel enough though, it's time to look at the daily habits.
I had the hospital fantasy when I left my ex husband and moved into a new house with my, then, eight year old daughter.
Firstly, I needed a new roof as the building surveyor hadn’t checked it properly in the inspection. Then my car broke down, and a host of other small maintenance issues popped up.
I wanted to go somewhere where I’d be looked after, like Bette Davis’ rest home in Now Voyager. At the time, I didn’t know it was a common experience, so thanks for this article.
Wow Wendy, no wonder you wanted to escape with all that on your plate! We can handle a lot, but we're still human and need to be looked after, especially when we're responsible across so much. I hope things are settled now. Thanks for sharing.
Yes, all settled now, that was many years ago :-)
What a deep and comprehensive dive into burnout and how we get ourselves there, thank you.
I relate to the Hospital Fantasy idea and can see times in my life where I craved care, however drastic the solution.
It's so true that the high-standards achievers among us can be blind to our own needs and only act to slow down when our bodies make us. We forget that maintaining balance and health is an impressive achievement in itself!
Thanks Jeanette and recognising this has appeared in your life too. You're onto something in terms of maintaining balance and health being achievement - for us achievement oriented types, we need to boost the value we put on it. Hard to look after ourselves when we haven't had it modelled or experienced it as much as we need. Thanks for your insights.