What I Learnt About Burnout and Grief This Year And How It’ll Change Everything In 2025

My body told me to slow down and I eventually listened...sort of

Photo by Transly Translation Agency on Unsplash

This year, I learned an inconvenient truth: when you push and chase ambition so hard, the road to burnout catches you out.

For most of 2024, I thought I had the balancing act under control.

A corporate role, a coaching business, Substack writing, and a semi-interesting life outside work - how hard could it be?

Turns out, way harder than I realised.

Mid-year, my body waved the red flag. The health challenges I faced weren’t just about physical strain; they were my body’s way of shouting, “Slow down, you prat!”.

After significant family-related trauma and stress in Spring, the internalised impact unleashed months of physical health problems, and I'm still recovering now.

My assessment: gah, how bloody annoying!?

I'm pretty good at mentally compartmentalising my life - one benefit of childhood adversity perhaps - but my brain and body won't stand for it and do everything to make me pay attention.

Rude - I've got things to achieve, people to help, bills to pay. Come on!

I thought I'd done well handling stress, familial rejection, and a total loss of trust earlier in the year.

Those things are totally manageable if you keep calm and carry on, right?

Ummmm maybe not. OK definitely not.

Instead, I was reminded I pushed too hard, juggled too much, and lost sight of the bigger picture and myself.

What I've learnt though is loss, in all it's inglorious forms, drives our burnout patterns, stress response, and shaky resilience far more than we realise.

The road to burnout has many milestones

This wasn’t full burnout in the classic sense against the three key burnout dimensions:

1. physical/emotional exhaustion,

2. detachment/cynicism, and,

3. loss of personal effectiveness.

But it was close enough to scare me.

By the way, If you're curious about where you sit across these these dimensions, try my free Burnout Risk Quiz:

On the road to burnout, there's a boost in one or two of these dimensions first before all three are flaming red.

That's what happened to me this year - I was overextended (overloaded burnout subtype) because I did too much and didn't rest enough.

My physical/emotional exhaustion was high for too long. But this is how it sucks us in - we're excited by the buzz of work, creativity and getting stuff done.

It feels OK and rewarding at the start so we persist.

We get sloppy at rest, thinking it's ‘just for now’ and lose sight of how long we're running on empty.

It forced me to confront something I coach others on - the need for boundaries, enough rest, values-based action, and saying no.

The common problem us ambitious achievers have, though, is we're crap at doing these for ourselves. Oops.

I was better at corporate work boundaries after a tough 2023, but my ‘Achievement’ value overtook my ‘Health’ value and meant I was working into the wee hours on my coaching business too often after a full day at corporate work.

Even if it was fun and creative, I didn't rest or say no to myself enough.

I'd moved pressure to achieve from work to my business! Doh!

So, my year-end reflections, client work and research helped me recognise how impactful loss is in driving our overcompensatory, unhelpful responses (burnout patterns).

I'd been dealing unconsciously with many of them across the year.

Burnout isn’t just exhaustion - it’s grief in disguise

Chronic stress from overextension takes a toll on our health, increasing risks of cardiovascular disease, weakened immunity, and burnout itself.

But, ignoring these signs isn’t strength - it’s short-sightedness.

I’ve found burnout often masks something deeper like unresolved grief and loss.

Grief isn’t only about losing someone we love though. It’s about losing anything that anchors us, like identity, purpose, trust, stability, or even the dreams we’ve worked hard to build.

The loss might feel abstract, but its impact is painfully real - emotionally and neurologically.

This year, I saw this pattern clearer than before in myself, my clients and the research.

My losses included a loss of health, stability, trust in others, dreams and goals, and complicated grief over a loved one.

One client, a high-achieving perfectionist, wasn’t just burned out from work, but grieving their identity of being a reliable, effective leader after a career setback.

Another was coping with the loss of confidence and competence in getting tasks done after an extended break as a caretaker.

The overlap between grief and burnout is striking. Research by Stroebe and Schut (1999) on the Dual Process Model of Grief shows how unresolved grief amplifies stress, making recovery from burnout even harder.

This model describes how we alternate between confronting stress (loss-oriented) and avoiding it (restoration-oriented).

It's easy to get stuck at either end of handling demands or avoiding them, and not restoring ourselves enough through the upheaval.

No wonder we're more susceptible to getting sick as we grieve and try to process loss as stress builds.

Mary-Frances O’Connor’s work in The Grieving Brain explains how grief disrupts our predictive models of the world, leaving us in a constant state of vigilance and fatigue.

Other studies show art-based practices like drawing, painting, or even collage-making activate the brain's default mode network, a set of interconnected regions linked to introspection and emotional processing.

For many of my clients, creative exercises have been a gentle way to approach and process the grief underlying their burnout.

They see what was hidden laid bare before them, and hadn't realised was going on.

What 2024 taught me about self-honesty, boundaries, and bullshit

If I had to pick one personal lesson from this year, it’s this: self-honesty is a non-negotiable.

I’ve spent years encouraging clients to face uncomfortable truths about their stress, boundaries, habits, and values.

But this year, I had to confront my own. I wasn’t burned out, but I was overloaded and overcompensating for unresolved losses.

Relatively speaking, I did better than before by not fully burnt out. But i was still above a sustainable baseline.

That's how it tricks us into thinking we're doing better than we are. Dammit!

My body let me know it couldn’t keep up, catching every bug in the vicinity and forcing me to pay attention.

Self-honesty isn’t about being critical but about recognising when your actions don’t align with your values or needs.

I had to call myself out on my bullshit.

I’d been prioritising productivity over health and perfectionism over rest just to stay busy and ignore deeper pain and disappointment.

I broke my own boundaries, not with others, but with myself. I thought I was doing better - I was, but not enough.

Boundaries with yourself are about recognising when you’ve said yes to too much, or when fear and guilt drive your decisions.

Ignoring them feels productive in the moment, but the long-term cost is clarity, health, and happiness.

Research by Susan David on emotional agility shows self-awareness paired with compassion leads to meaningful change.

That's what we're looking for. Change that gets us to where and who we want to be in a sustainable way.

Neuroarts research suggests creative expression externalises emotions, making them easier to process.

Through my creative journalling practice, I've identified patterns, emotions and needs I’d ignored. I noticed why I overcommitted so I can realign with what truly matters, and continue to reset to a healthier baseline.

The result?

A need for better self-boundaries, clearer priorities, and a renewed focus on what’s important, especially honouring the losses I feel and the unresolved grief they bring.

Self-honesty is hard, but it’s the foundation for growth, balance, and a life that aligns with what personally matters.

Ditch your own bullshit, now.

The lighthouse and the road ahead

If overextension taught me anything this year, it’s the importance of clarity and truly understanding, and accepting, what's going on.

We must dig under the surface symptoms and behaviours to get to the painful truth.

Often we don't want to hear it, but our wise brain and body will keep sounding the alarm louder and louder until we do.

For me, clarity is like a lighthouse in a storm - it doesn’t solve the chaos, but it provides a direction to steer toward when times are tough.

Acceptance is recognising this is where you are without harsh judgment.

Sure, you're in the middle of the chaotic storm, but you build trust in your ability and strength to get through it - this is resilience.

I've realised just how important the impact of loss, and grief have been throughout my life.

Burnout and chronic stress have been the common outcome, and I see the threads go back to all kinds of loss.

These insights will reshape my approach going forward, and the Lighthouse Metaphor will guide my work in 2025.

I'm still defining what this means in reality, but I know combining these in my approach will help resolve loss-driven burnout and chronic stress more effectively for myself and others.

Each month, I’ll continue to focus on a theme that brings this idea to life, such as:

• Clarity in recognising and accepting what truly matters.

• Vision in aligning current actions with long-term goals.

• Support in building meaningful connections to keep going.

• And so on…

Art will play a central role, as creative expression and using our own visual language gets deep into our unconscious needs and experiences.

These visual representations tap into the brain’s spatial and emotional processing centers, making abstract problems feel more tangible and solvable.

Creative expression rewires neural pathways to enhance flexibility and emotional regulation, so it's a valuable tool to build a better brain and heal.

I appreciate your patience and support as I explore how best to serve and help you as honestly, and sustainably, as possible.

Before you step into 2025, ask yourself this

The end of the year is a natural moment to pause and take stock. Mine is not the only ‘What I learned this year…’ article floating around right now.

But it is an important time to reflect on what you’ve achieved AND what you’ve lost along the way.

Burnout isn’t just about exhaustion or doing too much in and of itself. At its core, it’s often about the losses we haven’t acknowledged or grieved.

These might include:

• Loss of identity: A shift in how you see yourself.

• Loss of stability: Health scares, financial struggles, or changing relationships.

• Loss of dreams or goals: Plans and goals that didn’t go the way you hoped.

Acknowledging these losses feel uncomfortable, but it’s the key to creating clarity, purpose, and goals for the year ahead.

How have you responded to these unresolved losses or grief i.e. what burnout pattern is your go-to response to compensate?

This year, mine have been The Busy Bee and The Marching Soldier i.e., if I keep myself busy and don't acknowledge my vulnerabilities, I'm gonna be OK, won't feel pain, and be sooo productive….

As I've shared above, my brain and body saw through my bullshit, and I've finally pay attention.

As always, thank you brain.

Key takeaways

Burnout recovery and managing loss starts with recognising and addressing what’s been holding you back. And I mean really holding you back at a deeper, fundamental level.

Recognise the painful parts of you that are hard to acknowledge, accept or even contemplate.

This is where you need to lean in, even if it's hard and scary.

Keep these in mind as you prepare for the year ahead:

• Burnout hides grief: Honour what you’ve lost to move forward.

• Creativity heals: Tools like art-journalling and unlock mental and emotional clarity.

• Boundaries matter: Protect your energy and align with your values, but not to your own detriment.

• Build forward: Focus on healthier habits and meaningful, manageable goals.

• Reflect first: Let go of 2024’s burdens and step into 2025 with renewed and wiser intention.

Recovery isn’t about bouncing back but about moving forward with clarity, self-honesty, boundaries, and a renewed sense of purpose.

And you know what? Chuck some fun in there too! Lord knows we need some right now.

Let’s go!

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Use creative expression to learn from 2024’s losses to make helpful changes in 2025 .

Get clarity on where to focus and create meaningful goals by joining my next free live 60-minute Art-based Action Board Masterclass on Friday 10 January at 9pm GMT.

Click the button below to register for the Zoom details.

Prep info and testimonials from the October Masterclass available here.