Why Online Shopping Loses Its Thrill, Even When You Want It

How hedonic adaptation kills your highs

Photo by Marissa Grootes on Unsplash

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I opened the delivery box, felt mildly interested at the contents, and went on with my day.

I've been going through my latest shopping phase since September 2023.

Online clothes shopping to be specific.

It really started a year ago, hunting the January sales for winter coats and paraphernalia. You know what it's like.

Your old coat just won't cut it in the random freezing week we get in London due to a burst of frozen Russian air.

I realised I hated my wardrobe. My clothes were old.

I had a few ‘good’ pieces for ‘special occasions’. Yes the ones you never actually wear.

It didn't represent who I was anymore. I'd changed like many people do when they hit their 40s and things didn't align.

My wardrobe was depressing. Then I discovered YouTube clothing influencers.

Realising clothes were a formula was fun

This corner of the Internet had totally bypassed me. I was used to movie channels and cat videos but not fashion.

So uncool!

Then I found some channels and influencers for petite people.

I'm really short and curvy. It's hard to find clothes that fit and most things need to be tailored.

Buying clothes has always been a hassle. I envied others.

I realised I was shopping incorrectly for my shape. How did I not know this was a thing?! I'm an adult who has shopped for decades.

I felt utterly dim.

My inner nerdy student got hooked. Here was a solution to my problems.

It was also creative. And it was practical - I wanted to replace my wardrobe and dress differently for work and personal life.

It became a project. But like most things, I went extra on it!

I looked at my wardrobe and wanted to replace most of it over time. So I started with some basics and built up from there.

But then I couldn't stop.

I explored styles, discovered new clothes retailers and got sucked into the common trends we ‘all have to have this season’.

I kept seeing terms like ‘capsule wardrobe’, ‘dressing for spring transition’, or ‘why French girls look so cool’.

I'd fallen under the influencers’ charms. I wanted this other lifestyle.

It began to take over.

Our phones make online shopping TOO easy

I added all the store apps to my phone and scrolled in my downtime.

On the sofa whilst half watching a movie.

At the kitchen bar during my morning toast.

Adding sales dates and times to my calendar.

I just HAD to have that black wool coat that was a classic and would last me for years!

Summer is coming and I need linen! Of all colours!

I loved imagining how each piece would look. Where I would wear it. How it would fit with that item I bought last week.

That creative process was fun. When you've had an invite to an event, you start planning your look and the experience.

Even if you're not that into clothes or fashion, part of you will imagine and plan.

But I couldn't stop.

The debt always comes due

It was costing me time.

It was costing me money.

It was costing me online delivery box-related recycling space in my bin.

It never felt enough.

I'd feel the urge to search for the next version of my imaginary self on my little device.

Over and over again.

I'd justify how the money was an investment for the future.

I felt good when I'd get a compliment for a new outfit idea or pair of boots.

The mental cost built up and I didn't realise why.

It was becoming an addiction.

I was using the habit as a distraction from my life which was becoming overwhelming.

My day job was getting hectic. My coaching practice was on a project using my non day-job time. I squeezed in studies for my art- based coaching studies. I avoided grief about my dad.

Every time I needed to focus on something, I'd get the urge to scroll.

It was a distraction. I chose the short-term searching reward and winner's high every time I completed a shopping basket.

The reward cycle restarted with the delivery tracking. Emails. Texts. When would it arrive? How would it look? I can't wait for my next present!

As each delivery box appeared at the doorstep, the high waned.

I went from tracking the boxes to leaving them unopened in my sitting room.

Occasionally I'd open one and delay setting up the return because I couldn't be bothered.

I felt shame at what I was doing with my time and money.

Photo by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash

Hedonic adaptation brings you back to earth

This might be an extreme example but this process is common across life.

We do something, feel good, reduce discomfort and want to do it again.

It's our basic reward cycle:

Search for reward… assess reward-effort ratio…complete effort if worth it…. get reward high and the good feels…. repeat cycle.

In usual circumstances, the reward starts to taper off and you need to up the effort to get the same high.

This is how many of us get into trouble if we don't stop and reflect on what we're doing.

This phenomenon is known as ‘hedonic adaptation’, which describes the return to stable subjective baseline happiness levels after positive or negative events, or acquiring desirable items over time.

Even if the search drive is there to look for a reward, the payoff loses its intensity. Eventually, the drive reduces as well since its not worth the effort.

You might have noticed this yourself. You find a new bakery with amazing brownies. You've gone into brownie heaven. All you want in your life is those brownies.

Time passes and the brownies start to lose their appeal. They're not as good. You don't know why you got so obsessed with them. You never want to look at another brownie.

It turns out, there is too much of a good thing.

In this case hedonic adaptation is super valuable. Buying every capsule item listed by a fashion email or YouTube influencer isn't helping me meet my life goals.

It met a goal I had about aligning my clothes to my updated identity and seasonal changes, but it went too far.

I have more coats, trousers, and shoes now than any reasonable person should have. It doesn't fit with my desire to be more sustainable.

But there are some positives.

Using hedonic adaptation to flex habits

One is that I've taken my old clothes replaced by the new ones to several charity shops. Every cloud….?

Another is that I've learned more about fabrics and materials and realise what truly is an investment versus hype.

When I opened that delivery box and felt indifferent, I realised I had to make a conscious effort to break my habit.

Shopping had lost its reward allure. From searching to receiving the package, it was all muted. I leaned into it.

To use my hedonic adaptation:

1. I noticed when I got into distraction behaviours and the triggers

2. If I was scrolling or about to click on a product link, I asked myself what I wanted from doing this

3. I revisited my wardrobe and created new outfits with what I'd bought

4. I continued to take out clothes and items I don't wear and take them to charity

5. I reduced access to the influencer channels to reduce my reward desire

By following this approach, I'm using hedonic adaptation to reduce an unhelpful habit.

This also boosts the reward I feel when I use the items I've bought. I'm accessing them less frequently, the hedonic adaptation has worn off slightly, and it's rewarding again.

The same process happens with negative events or items. You might be low or sad at first, but over time, you'll get back to your stable baseline happiness.

Use hedonic adaptation to change habits or improve your mood - it'll save you time, money and energy. 🚀

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This is your space too, so let's enjoy it together.