Yeah I shared one in my reply to your chat thread: "You'll never become financially independent and will become homeless." In the past, it was "You'll never get a job and will become homeless." Now the "homeless" part is quieter. Another one is: "You'll never find a (queer platonic) partner because you never had one."
Oh I remember one I used to have but obviously don't have anymore: "People will always see you as a girl. You'll never pass." But now most strangers see me as a man, thank goodness. So that proved my inner critic wrong.
Yeah my inner critic has a tendency to believe good things will never happen to me. Despite all the evidence against it. It makes no sense! My problem isn't being unable to see its logical flaws. My problem is getting angry and yelling at my inner critic, and my inner critic yells back. We don't have a good relationship, lol. Sometimes I try to see where it's coming from and have more empathy. But most of the time, I just lose patience and start shouting at him again, and he fights back.
Ugh my comment got deleted. Anyway I think that part of me could be the "whiny pin cushion," "coward," or "crybaby." It's annoying because I so want to improve my life. But my crybaby/ coward keeps holding me back. So I get angry and yell at it, and it yells back.
I think the healthy answer is that we would have more mutual respect and compassion. But at the moment, we are failing that and have trouble finding empathy for one another. We're both so stubborn!
They're probably trying to protect me from hurt, disappointment, and failure. But I told them over and over that no one wants to be hurt, but if we don't do the thing to change our lives, we would be hurt even more. Not that it helps, since it keeps digging in its heels. Coward/ crybaby is so focused on the short term and unable to see the long term. 😤
If someone told me I can never become financially independent/ find a queer platonic partner, I would tell them to go to hell. 🤣 Jk, I probably don't have that courage to speak up like that. I would probably tell them to stop being so pessimistic and down on yourself. Anybody can become financially independent and find a queer platonic partner. Not saying it's easy but it's definitely possible. (Ok not literally "anybody", but I don't think I'm so severely debilitated that I can't achieve these things!)
I LOVE naming your inner critic an old-fashioned awful name that reminds you of someone super toxic. I read today we have 86 billion brain cells but lose about 50 K a day in our 50s. Yikes!
I'll call my Inner Bitch Critic Debbie, after a toxic friend who once pushed me over and repeatedly ran over me on her pushbike so I had tyre marks and bruises on the backs of my legs.
I need to tell Debbie to shut the fuck up. Debbie is using up too many of my precious 85 billion brain cells left - as I'm nearly 59! I can't waste any more on that crap, I need 'em all to become a bestselling author.
So, even though I am addicted to whining, I realise no one wants to hear it, not even me. It makes me sound petty, silly, brainless, hopeless, and helpless. And it doesn't help that I have had H-cup breasts for the last 47 years. The big boobs already mean most men talk to my chest and see me as stupid, with or without the non-stop complaining. Though pushing 60 means gravity has done incredible work. Now men under 45 only tend to glance at said breasts occasionally, as there are far perkier ones around everywhere except in old people's homes.
Time for action, and cold-turkey whining like a rusty old engine about politics, religion, society, wars, climate, politics, sex, and (see above text) my own body.
Kill Debbie? No, she's a real, divorced woman, bottle blonde with three kids, who used to work at a bank, retrenched in the big switch to ATMs last I heard.
I CAN kill my Debbie The Bitch Thoughts though. Each time I start whining like a mosquito near my ear I will remember her running me over in the fresh blue metal gravel on the road outside my driveway when I was 8. That should kill off any old narrative that no longer serves. And if that road accident stops working, I'll recall all the times the real Debbie coerced me into doing awkward sexual stuff that made me squirm. Ick!
Fuck off Debbie, you made Trump seem benevolent! Oops! That's a whine!
Rewriting, I forgive you Debbie; I am smart, I write well, and my future is as an author using all my billions of brain cells on better stuff.
Sabrina, I felt every word of your description of those sleepless nights spent battling imaginary conflicts! It's like our minds have a perverse talent for conjuring up the worst-case scenarios and forcing us to live them out in agonizing detail. I've often wondered why we're so willing to put ourselves through that mental wringer, only to wake up exhausted and no closer to a resolution. Your article was like a comforting validation that I'm not alone in this struggle.
Alexander, you are definitely not alone with this. We do it so automatically and most people don't talk about it so it feels like it's only us. Sending hugs your way.
I've found physical self-soothing actions help with the mental wrangling - I tried green noise sleep audio and it really helped calm me down. Have you tried that or other techniques?
Thank you for sharing this. I am actually going through this morning with the old script I didn't even know was there.
It seems like I have a day of the inner critic and then take other time to try and rewrite that script. I find it tedious because it is the same old stuff. It seems like it waits until I am unsure and then out it throws the script.
You are right that it does need rewriting. Plus it also gets other people's voices out of my head when I do the rewrite.
Great observations here Linda. I know it's tedious at times but keep at it. You're right it seems to creep in when you're doubtful of things. In a way, it's trying to give you certainty but an unhelpful form of that.
It'll get easier with repetition and remember to celebrate your wins as you rewrite!
Yeah I shared one in my reply to your chat thread: "You'll never become financially independent and will become homeless." In the past, it was "You'll never get a job and will become homeless." Now the "homeless" part is quieter. Another one is: "You'll never find a (queer platonic) partner because you never had one."
Oh I remember one I used to have but obviously don't have anymore: "People will always see you as a girl. You'll never pass." But now most strangers see me as a man, thank goodness. So that proved my inner critic wrong.
Yeah my inner critic has a tendency to believe good things will never happen to me. Despite all the evidence against it. It makes no sense! My problem isn't being unable to see its logical flaws. My problem is getting angry and yelling at my inner critic, and my inner critic yells back. We don't have a good relationship, lol. Sometimes I try to see where it's coming from and have more empathy. But most of the time, I just lose patience and start shouting at him again, and he fights back.
Oh Sieran this sounds like such a stressful relationship with your inner critic.
- How could you relate to them differently?
- Do they have a name?
- What are they trying to protect you from?
- How would you respond to someone speaking to you like that in person?
Curious to learn more 💜
Ugh my comment got deleted. Anyway I think that part of me could be the "whiny pin cushion," "coward," or "crybaby." It's annoying because I so want to improve my life. But my crybaby/ coward keeps holding me back. So I get angry and yell at it, and it yells back.
I think the healthy answer is that we would have more mutual respect and compassion. But at the moment, we are failing that and have trouble finding empathy for one another. We're both so stubborn!
They're probably trying to protect me from hurt, disappointment, and failure. But I told them over and over that no one wants to be hurt, but if we don't do the thing to change our lives, we would be hurt even more. Not that it helps, since it keeps digging in its heels. Coward/ crybaby is so focused on the short term and unable to see the long term. 😤
If someone told me I can never become financially independent/ find a queer platonic partner, I would tell them to go to hell. 🤣 Jk, I probably don't have that courage to speak up like that. I would probably tell them to stop being so pessimistic and down on yourself. Anybody can become financially independent and find a queer platonic partner. Not saying it's easy but it's definitely possible. (Ok not literally "anybody", but I don't think I'm so severely debilitated that I can't achieve these things!)
I'm gonna talk to a client soon but will think about your questions. :)
Enjoy and take your time 🙌💜
Sabrina, my dearest like-minded soul sister, you nailed it in the post. It is brilliant and I kept thinking, is she reading my mind again!?!
I replayed past actions until they burned holes in my soul, so I decided to rewrite the script by getting it out of my head and putting pen to it.
Well, keyboarding it anyway! I keep sighing with relief. Aaahhh 🤪
My dear Donna, my first reply didn't save!
I am indeed in your mind.... I wish!
I reckon it's fun in there, even with the tricky parts 💜
So glad this one connected - it's a challenge at times but keep rewriting the script and the new one will stick.
Glad the keyboarding offers relief!
Yeah! I keep wondering, where do my lost replies go, too, Sabrina? 😂
When we take our time and craft with care, then swosh! Maybe rewriting the script "disappears" past unsavory situations.
Or maybe we're rebooting our subconscious 💜
Or it's bad train mobile signal!
But yes, I wonder how our rewrites slow down with the unsavoury stuff.
I usually need to revisit to keep peeling the layers with new insight and acceptance.
I LOVE naming your inner critic an old-fashioned awful name that reminds you of someone super toxic. I read today we have 86 billion brain cells but lose about 50 K a day in our 50s. Yikes!
I'll call my Inner Bitch Critic Debbie, after a toxic friend who once pushed me over and repeatedly ran over me on her pushbike so I had tyre marks and bruises on the backs of my legs.
I need to tell Debbie to shut the fuck up. Debbie is using up too many of my precious 85 billion brain cells left - as I'm nearly 59! I can't waste any more on that crap, I need 'em all to become a bestselling author.
So, even though I am addicted to whining, I realise no one wants to hear it, not even me. It makes me sound petty, silly, brainless, hopeless, and helpless. And it doesn't help that I have had H-cup breasts for the last 47 years. The big boobs already mean most men talk to my chest and see me as stupid, with or without the non-stop complaining. Though pushing 60 means gravity has done incredible work. Now men under 45 only tend to glance at said breasts occasionally, as there are far perkier ones around everywhere except in old people's homes.
Time for action, and cold-turkey whining like a rusty old engine about politics, religion, society, wars, climate, politics, sex, and (see above text) my own body.
Kill Debbie? No, she's a real, divorced woman, bottle blonde with three kids, who used to work at a bank, retrenched in the big switch to ATMs last I heard.
I CAN kill my Debbie The Bitch Thoughts though. Each time I start whining like a mosquito near my ear I will remember her running me over in the fresh blue metal gravel on the road outside my driveway when I was 8. That should kill off any old narrative that no longer serves. And if that road accident stops working, I'll recall all the times the real Debbie coerced me into doing awkward sexual stuff that made me squirm. Ick!
Fuck off Debbie, you made Trump seem benevolent! Oops! That's a whine!
Rewriting, I forgive you Debbie; I am smart, I write well, and my future is as an author using all my billions of brain cells on better stuff.
Of course, I bloody well can. What's stopping me.
There is something about a classic name for the inner critic. Like when I name my foxes. It adds a bit of fun and shifts things slightly.
Debbie sounds like a tough lady!
She's been through a lot and sounds like she's ready to tackle anything - maybe overzealous in her approach!
Forgiveness sounds calming - might not be easy but remember you don't have to take her advice.
A thanks but no thanks works too lady T 💜💜
Sabrina, I felt every word of your description of those sleepless nights spent battling imaginary conflicts! It's like our minds have a perverse talent for conjuring up the worst-case scenarios and forcing us to live them out in agonizing detail. I've often wondered why we're so willing to put ourselves through that mental wringer, only to wake up exhausted and no closer to a resolution. Your article was like a comforting validation that I'm not alone in this struggle.
Alexander, you are definitely not alone with this. We do it so automatically and most people don't talk about it so it feels like it's only us. Sending hugs your way.
I've found physical self-soothing actions help with the mental wrangling - I tried green noise sleep audio and it really helped calm me down. Have you tried that or other techniques?
I’ve never tried green noise! I’ll give that a go sometime, sounds interesting! Thank you for the suggestion 🩵
Let me know how it goes for you. I'm not sure if it was a fluke for me or not!
Thank you for sharing this. I am actually going through this morning with the old script I didn't even know was there.
It seems like I have a day of the inner critic and then take other time to try and rewrite that script. I find it tedious because it is the same old stuff. It seems like it waits until I am unsure and then out it throws the script.
You are right that it does need rewriting. Plus it also gets other people's voices out of my head when I do the rewrite.
Great observations here Linda. I know it's tedious at times but keep at it. You're right it seems to creep in when you're doubtful of things. In a way, it's trying to give you certainty but an unhelpful form of that.
It'll get easier with repetition and remember to celebrate your wins as you rewrite!
Appreciate your sharing this Elizabeth.
You're proof we don't have to let the past hold us back to who we want to be now and in the future. Love this!