Unhelpful Habits Drive Guilt - Here's How I Helped A Client Improve Their Sleep
Coaching case study: starting with the physical improves mindset and habit change
1. When the urge is too strong
One of my coaching clients developed unhelpful checking behaviours that ruined their sleep.
It was distracting, stressful and increased anxiety.
After 3 sessions together, they saw significant improvements to not only their sleep but their general anxiety levels too.
Compulsive checking describes a preventative behaviour to feel control over a situation and avoid future distress1.
Examples of this behaviour can include checking your:
Front door is locked
Phone for notifications
Email for new client requests
Intrusive thoughts become overwhelming and drive unhelpful habits that disrupt daily life.
My client wanted to work with me to improve their sleep.
They managed several businesses through the pandemic, but over several months developed checking behaviours before and during sleep.
They checked:
Email and text messages several times and up until bed
Their bank balance in the middle of the night
News articles for updates
My client knew this was unhelpful and increased their stress, but they couldn't stop.
It drove a lot of angst and affected their confidence.
2. The coaching sessions
Session 1:
An approach I take to these types of concerns is to begin with a client’s physical foundations.
Before we look at reframing thoughts or changing unhelpful habits, it helps to be physically ready.
Change is expensive for our brain. It takes effort.
Our bodies and brains need a strong foundation and basic building blocks on which to develop.
Lack of sleep affected my client's concentration, increasing anxiety, and made them miserable.
We discussed their daily habits. Even though they exercised and ate well, they realised they didn’t drink enough fluids.
As a busy person, they forgot to drink water. Staying hydrated is key to a healthy body and cognitive function2.
This was their first takeaway.
We didn't focus on the checking behaviour first.
We just focused on getting them to drink more water and how they would do it.
Literally the steps:
Buy a big water bottle
Put reminders in phone
Keep water bottle near rucksack
It helped.
Session 2:
My client noticed that drinking more fluids helped their energy levels.
They felt more motivated.
We next looked at their sleep hygiene routine.
This describes the process and environment we set up before getting to sleep.
People are context driven. We notice patterns and that drives behaviours.
My client shared the intrusive thoughts that drove the checking behaviour before and during sleep.
Their reasoning?
They wanted to get ahead of potential issues instead of deal with them in the morning (often these never happen).
This is so common: 'If I head it off now, it will save time tomorrow'.
This drives guilt, shame and frustration when the habit becomes counter-productive.
It becomes a vicious cycle.
Yet, if we need to feel safe to be able to sleep, we can see why this mindset makes it hard to switch off.
No wonder sleep becomes difficult and stressful.
Instead of going for an all-or-nothing approach, my client used the scheduled worry time technique.
They gave themselves permission to check for issues within an agreed evening timeslot.
For the brain, this sets up an expectation and solution.
This reduces guilt because you're just executing a strategy.
It helped.
Session 3:
My client noticed their guilt and stress related to checking behaviours reduced and their sleep improved.
They still awoke in the night and sometimes checked, but the time doing this was shorter.
Previously, they would be awake for 1.5-2 hours in the middle of night.
This became 15-20 minutes.
We looked deeper at their sleep hygiene routine.
My client realised they adopted their partner's sleep drive pattern.
Sleep drive relates to when you get sleepy.
For some, this is earlier in the night, but for others, this can be closer to midnight or beyond.
Although my client preferred to sleep later, they enjoyed evening time together with their partner after the kids were asleep.
They went to bed at the same time but my client wasn’t sleepy enough, and their mind wandered.
A common conflict.
They also mindlessly snacked during this evening phase.
High sugar and salt foods can spike blood sugar levels and alertness.
Another physical foundation to improve and help sleepiness at the end of the day.
They adapted their evening routine:
Still spent quality time with their partner
Removed the snack foods
Read a book until they were tired after their partner went to bed
Put phone further away from bed
It helped.
3. Small changes make a difference
My client’s sleep-related concerns improved further.
They learnt they could make a positive impact by taking a different approach.
I hope this coaching case study helps you discover ways to tackle lifestyle concerns.
An indirect route can be invaluable to prepare the mind and body for change.
Small changes compound to bigger ones.
Yet we often make choices, even if they seem unhelpful on reflection, because they benefit us in the moment.
Perhaps:
We reduce our anxiety.
We spend quality time with loved ones.
We believe we are heading off future problems.
However, these choices come at a cost.
It might not be obvious but it is there.
With help from a trusted coach, you work through these concerns with someone who has no skin in the game.
You don't need to self-censor.
You can do the cost-benefit analysis.
It IS all about you.
You have more control than you think.
I've seen amazing progress over a short period with clients making real changes.
They want to adapt and are willing to make the effort and experiment.
It is possible.
Give it a go and you’ll make it happen too. 🚀
Let me know what you're keen to learn or talk about in the comments or on chat.
This is your space too, so let's enjoy it together.
Take care,
Sabrina Ahmed
Burnout Coach | Neuroscientist | Art-based Practitioner
Very helpful article - thanks Sabrina 🙏
A scheduled 'worry time' is an amazing tool! I find it very helpful.